The Horror!

Josh said that once I hit full term that it will be like a horror movie. He will never know when he will get “The Call” that I am in labor. That is just so freakin’ sweet. But the fact is that it could happen at any time. Such as right now as you are reading this, is both exciting and extremely draining.

Meanwhile I am dealing with all these “maybe” contractions. Is it gas? Should it feel like cramps? Should it be cramping and tightening? Should I have to “breathe” through them for them to count? I think about timing them, but I feel stupid. I have a feeling josh might get several horrific calls before the real deal.

How far along?

How far along? 39 weeks

Total weight gain: 35 pounds. Okay fine 37…I just chose to round down there.

Maternity clothes? I can no longer fit into my maternity pants, and 80 percent of my maternity shirts. Which doesn’t matter because they are long sleeved, stained and ratty. Special thanks to Mandy S for the dresses on loan!

Stretch marks? I got some a couple days ago. I discovered them using a hand held mirror cause they are under my belly. I’m okay with them since they are shiny and light. But you know what Bot? If you had came already I wouldn’t have gotten any.

Sleep: Sporadic. Benadryl is my new BFF

Best moment this week: Bot really likes the song Hey Joe by Jimi Hendrix. I put it on to show josh and as soon as it started bot kicked me really hard and shook my whole belly. The song is about a man killing his wife for messin’ round town. I have to ask Bot when he is older whether he thinks she deserved to be shot down or if he was upset at the misogynistic nature of the song.

Movement: I hate how he head butts my bladder while stretching his butt out really hard. There are rolls and ripples. Punches to my cervix. He mainly hangs out on the left hand side. The other side of my uterus must have the tv. Sometimes his hands are tickle me, like he is smoothing back his hair.

Food cravings: Cream of Wheat! Kani sushi (crab stick on rice) with lots of wasabi ginger and soy sauce.

Food aversions: just red sauce. And I can eat it, just don’t want to.

Gender: Boy. I just learned that most babies pee immediately when placed on your chest after birth.

Labor Signs: Two false labors. Both petered out in a couple hours. Both freaked us out on how utterly unprepared we are. But really have kicked us into gear. Bring it on!

Belly Button in or out? It pokes out, but I’m not calling it an outtie cause it is just the edges.

What I miss: Turning over in bed. Putting on pants without sitting. Walking at a decent speed without pain. Being able to sit, get up, or do anything without pain.

What I am looking forward to: Baby bot. I cannot wait to see his little face. CANNOT WAIT! Will he have hair? Will he have josh’s nose? Will he be chubby? I just want to see him blink. How cool would that be?

Weekly Wisdom: After 38 weeks, anything elastic around your waist is the devil’s work.

Milestones: Full term!

To Lily, Maya, Ella, and Luke:

This is Josh: You have provided the entirety of my experience with little kids. Lily has taught me that life does not end with kids – you can still see a drive-in movie and go on vacation. Maya showed me that life can continue past a baby’s bedtime. Ella has shown me, through several visits over her 3 years, that a few months in baby time mean a whole lot more than a few months in adult time. Luke showed me that moving your body the way you want it to move is an innately exciting activity.

My resume of experience with babies and toddlers is short, and I thank you for the little time we’ve had together. I remember being a teenager, when I had little use for adults. But you’ve reminded me that for the first years of life, adults are all you have, and we’re all the better for it. - Josh

Laundry Situation

So for years (years!) I’ve always wanted to have a washer/dryer NOT in the basement. Every time we moved (which is often: 3 times in 5 years) I would search for months for a place that would have the following:
-Clean (preferably newer) bathroom/kitchen
-Allows cats
-Washer Dryer NOT in the basement
(not to mention location, rent etc.)

This was near impossible and became a fantasy rental when I added the following two stipulations in our most recent search:
-Allows dogs
-Fenced in backyard.

Well I came as close as I could with our current duplex. Clean bath/kitchen, allows pets, fenced backyard and washer dryer hook-ups (but no washer dryer) in the basement. I really wanted to be able to do laundry but my spider phobia just won’t let me down there. I tried one time but literally a huge spider dropped from the ceiling in front of me. No lie. So, Josh washes the clothes, and until I got pregnant, I cleaned the bathrooms and managed the pets. I think it is a good deal that worked out well.

Well nearly a year later, we still don’t have a w/d. Josh decided that he’d rather drive to the laundry mat and wash 6 loads at a time and be done in 90 minutes twice a month. I have no argument there. But since getting pregnant I have been campaigning for a w/d because everyone gets this incredulous look on their face mixed with pity or horror when I tell them we don’t have one. Oh, and that we must be brain damaged to think we won’t be doing laundry every day with a baby.

It was back in October that I witnessed the destructive nature of babies and clean clothes. My nephew luke in just a few hours, not only pooped out his own clothes, but got poop on his mom’s pants while she was holding him. He then proceeded to spit up milk on me and then his father. That’s half a load of laundry right there!

I begged josh. I sent him w/d ads on sale then used w/d ads from craigslist. There was even a set a man would sell us and then deliver it! I told him horror stories, and tried reasoning with him. I even tried guilting him that all that time at the laundry mat was time away from his son! I tried asking him the tough questions: Are we just going to have poopy sheets sitting in the house for a week?!!

His response is either a version of “I’ll take care of it” or “It’ll be fine”
Because in the end, he does the laundry not me, so he ultimately decides.

Plagued with visions of stained and thus ruined clothes piling up in the hamper all week, I’ve come up with a plan to salvage them. I decided to fandangle a bucket system in the basement. Poopy, spit-up items will be rinsed in the sink and then soaked in a large bucket of water and oxyclean in the basement until laundry day. Josh promises to go once a week to the laundry mat. I suppose his task will also be emptying the bucket of water.

This is the best I can do to make the situation better? A bucket?!

Aches and Pains

25 days until the due date, and on Sunday I will be full term. I don’t know what to think of this. On the day of the birth, two huge changes are going to happen:
One: I will have a baby and
Two: I won’t be pregnant anymore.
It’s amazing how quickly I’ve gotten used to the status quo.

It officially hurts to walk, I have bad joint pain in my hips and pelvis. I am so very tired at work and my feet/ankles balloon at the end of the day. I am getting by the best I can. It’s just that anything physical is an (often painful) effort. The days I work at 1pm, I go to bed around 11:30 and stay in bed until 11:30. And I could stay there all day. I know this is a finite time in my life, so I’m just taking it day by day. I’m also scared that next week will be much worse. And if I can’t cope now, I’m screwed.

Still, I’m not ready for him to be here yet. I know the names of the streets in the hell that I am in at least.

On the plus side, Bot is doing well. He’s probably pretty cramped himself. He keeps trying to stretch me out. I feel pressure low and his big butt keeps pressing into my lungs. My favorite thing to do is to trace the outline of his feet when they poke out of me. The food that gets him moving is cream of wheat, because I put loads and loads of sugar on it!

And now a message to Bot:
Dear Bot: Sorry about the Wendy’s today. I know there was nothing of nutritional value there. But how delicious was that premium fish fillet with added cheese and no tartar sauce? I smothered it in ketchup. Soooo yummy!

Completed nursery!

I had a blast doing this nursery. Thank you to my mom, sister and josh for letting me pepper you with emails on opinions. I feel like I got a lot of great deals, and with it being Ikea heavy, you know it was on a budget :)

Enjoy!

Bird Mobile off Etsy.com (there is a bird theme going)

Dresser and curtains from Ikea

Eventually there will be a chair there instead of a stool (maybe).

I impulsively got these alphabet cards off etsy.com because it was such a great deal!! And it took up a lot of wall space not to mention being educational :)

Wall decal of birds and branches off etsy.com (can you tell I am addicted to this site?)

Josh purchased installed these shelves!

Bot's cage...err.. I mean crib.

Close-up of the scary owl faces blanket and sheet I got off of etsy.com. I needed a touch of spooky to make this nursery juuuuust right!

Nursery Progress Pics

Putting together the crib

Futurama playing in the background (of course!)

Only one missing screw! (barely wobbles)


Upacking the new lamps from Ikea

Painting the nursery "smoke screen" gray blue

Ikea dresser parts (enjoying our affordable Swedish crap)

Those Swedes know how to put in almost everything you need!

Undecorated room, but painted and furnished!

35 weeks

The front

The flip side

The bump side

Hmm, I guess you can see my belly button from the front. I guess any denial that it has gone from an innie to an outie is over. ..

Awesome

This is Josh: Stefanie, you are awesome. I could not imagine having a roller coaster going on for 9 months. Thank you for carrying our baby and being there with him at all times. I know your voice and your rubs comfort him when he's wondering why he's still in his oceanic environment. He'll be with us on land soon! - Josh

Hypnobirthing - part 2

So, 3-4 weeks in, what’s it like so far? First of all it is a freakin’ struggle to stay awake for the 30 minute hypnosis sessions (there are 12). You take some calming deep breaths, you relax your muscles and just when you think you are completely relaxed… “you go deeper…much deeper”(the lady’s soothing words, not mine).

Then the lady tells me that I am so relaxed I can’t move my arm (true!) and then she tells me that my skin feels so good (yup). Then she tells me to come up with a special safe place (For me: I am lying on a hammock on the beach in a orange bikini and I am smokin’ hot too!--- hey it’s my special place, my rules!). In my special place I hold my baby cause we are in this together (check!). Next thing you know she is telling me that she is going to count to five and each number will take me 10 times deeper into relaxation and hypnosis. You feel like you are drifting, floating and your mind is completely empty. And each time she says a number it intensifies like a wave going through you. And I am literally on the beach so RELAXED! And right before she gets to some instructions….I’m out like a light.

Last night I finally got through the “Creating Self-Anesthesia” track. I did really well with the finger drop technique (a cue where you raise your finger and lower it and are instantly relaxed and in your special place) and turning my light switch (that controls my muscles) completely off. Now I am working on centering my light swtich so that I can move/talk/interact while the area between my chest and my thighs (birthing muscles) is still completely relaxed. It is a warm buzzing feeling. Like I can’t describe it.

I had a major setback a few days ago. I woke up screaming due to a calf muscle spasm. Usually it works itself out, but this one was a mutant spasm because as soon as it ended it would spasm harder again and again. I thought for a second “ Oooh I should use hypnobabies!” But all I could think was that word “hypnobabies” and couldn’t think any further. I was completely focused only on the pain that kept coming and coming. So I thrashed in bed, yelled, and had josh rub my leg. After it was over, I thought holy hell I can’t even manage a calf muscle spasm. Granted it was the mother of calf spasms that turned into four in a row. But actually josh said I did a good job. And I asked him embarrassedly “But what about how I thrashed and yelled?… I mean that wasn’t really me in a hammock/ on the beach/orange bikini moment.” He said that’s okay and he’s going to be there with me like he was that morning too. (swoons) And it is true that my labor isn’t going to go from 0 to 60 and wake me up discombobulated in the middle of the night. Anyway, to be fair, I am only practicing anesthesia in my torso not my left leg.

Still.

We will see how this goes.